The Diary
by RedYellow11
Summary: Lilly finds Miley's diary and is surprised by what she reads. Liley. This is my first fic, so please R&R. Last chapter is up.
1. Reading the Diary

Disclaimer: I don't own Hannah Montana or anything associated with it including the characters, etc.

* * *

Oh my God, she's in love with me. When did this happen? Why did this happen? What do I do?

I guess I should start from the beginning. My name is Lilly Truscott and I'm 17. I live in Southern California. There are very few people in this world that I care about outside of my family. Oliver is one of them. He's been my best friend since I can remember. We've stuck together like glue over the years. For most of our lives, we've had to look out for each other because, let's face it, we aren't the most popular kids on the planet. We were all each other had in school. Well, that is, until Miley moved into town.

Miley Stewart moved in next door to me about two years ago. We immediately hit it off. Unfortunately, so did her and Oliver. Ugh, they started dating. Something about that couple just didn't sit right with me. That was the worst three months of my life. Anyway, besides that very short fiasco, Miley and I have been inseparable. We practically live together. I spend most of my time at her house and when I'm not at hers, she's at mine. We just, mesh, y'know?

So today, I came over here to work on some lame project for history class. Miley went downstairs to get us some food. Well, I went to lie down and, being my clumsy self, fell off the bed. Before I had a chanced to stand up, I saw a book under Miley's bed. Instead of leaving it alone, as I probably should have, I grabbed it. It was a small book with flowers on it. At the top of the cover in small letters it read: MY DIARY.

Yeah, so this is the part where I should've put it right back under her bed without ever looking inside.

If I'd done that, I wouldn't be freaking out right now.

No, instead I figured it wouldn't hurt to just read a little. I started at the first page.

_Dear Diary,_

_This is my first entry in here. I just need a place to put my thoughts down. Well, here's the thing…I think I'm gay._

…oh, it gets better…

_I don't know when all this started…I mean I'd always kinda had small crushes on girls but I never really thought about it. I just thought it was because my only exposure to boys has been Jackson…and there's no way in hell I ever want a guy if it means having one anything like him._

_The thing is…there's this girl that I met about a week ago. She's…well…she's different. She's just…ugh…it's hard to describe. I just find myself always trying to say the right thing around her and my mind always wanders to her. Her name is Lilly…like the flower (which I think is adorable…which is scary…) I don't know, it might be nothing…but if it does, it might change everything._

Yeah…um…yeah. I read it, like, five times to make sure that I'd read it right. Finally, after I'd convinced myself that my eyes weren't lying to me, I just sat there in shock. I didn't know what to think, so I figured, this was written a long time ago. This was written even before her and Oliver started dating. I figured the only logical thing to do was to find an entry when they'd been dating. I was sure that it would say how much she liked Oliver and how much she was not gay. Because Miley couldn't be gay. It just…no.

_Dear Diary,_

_Oliver is so sweet. He bought me flowers today. Part of me loves the attention. Part of me feels guilty for wishing he was Lilly. I mean, Oliver has been nothing but a fantastic person and I'm basically just using him to get closer to Lilly…which probably isn't the best idea because I'm pretty sure that she's into him. She always just looks really sad when we're together. I want to break up with Oliver, but I'm scared of what might happen if I do. First off, I'd probably lose Oliver as a friend and I'd hate that. He's a fantastic guy and I don't want to hurt him. Then (and this is the worst thing that could possibly happen), Lilly would probably tell Oliver how she feels and they'd get together. I wouldn't be able to take that. Ugh…saying yes to Oliver was the worst idea EVER! I'm a horrible person…  
_

Okay…at this point, my mind was in full overdrive. I just couldn't believe it! I just kept telling myself that this had to have been a phase that she went through. If I read the most recent update, it wouldn't say anything even close to her having feelings for me. It wasn't possible. I turned to the last page with writing on it.

_Dear Diary,_

_I'm so happy! Lilly is coming over later today. We have to work on a history project together. We haven't hung out in a couple days, so I'm looking forward to it. I don't know if I'm ever going to have the nerve to tell her how I feel. She would flip if I told her I'm in love with her. Then she'd probably tell Oliver, who would also flip, and my dad…I don't think "flip" is the right word to describe what my dad's reaction would be. I probably wouldn't have a place to live if he ever found out. In my best dreams, Lilly feels the same way, but I know that's not how it would really be. Actually, in my best dreams, Lilly's on my bed-_

I slammed the book shut, put it back under the bed, and went to leave. Unfortunately, Miley was standing in the doorway. She looked horrified.

"Please tell me you weren't just reading that."

"Um…" I said. Well, I couldn't lie; she'd obviously seen me with it. "I didn't read that much."

"I'm sure you read enough." There was this painfully awkward silence. "Lilly, I didn't want you to find out this way, but we might as well talk-"

"Y'know, I have to go. Yeah, my mom's been getting pissed off about me being gone so much lately. I'll see you around okay?"

Okay, admittedly, that was dumb and obviously a lie, but I had to leave. There was no way I was ready to have that conversation. It was too much. I ran past her and ignored her as she called after me.

Now, I'm running aimlessly down the street with tears in my eyes, knowing that Miley was balling her eyes out back at her house. I don't know what the hell I'm gonna do when I see her in school tomorrow.


	2. The Next Day

A/N: I'm sorry it took so long. I actually wrote it about a week ago, but it took me a while to get it typed up.

* * *

I think this has probably been the worst day of my life.

First off, I couldn't sleep last night. I'd stayed up thinking about what had happened with Miley. I had no idea what I was going to say to her when I saw her. I'd have to talk to her eventually seeing as we had four classes together, but I didn't know what I'd do when the time came to say something.

I walked to school early (to avoid running into Miley and Oliver, I usually walk with them). I went to my first period class and sat there waiting for the bell to ring but kind of hoping it wouldn't because Miley sits next to me in this class. She sits next to me in all the classes I have with her. I never would've thought that would be a bad thing until today.

Eventually the bell did ring. I waited for Miley to walk in and for the unavoidable conversation I would have to have with her, but she never showed up. She'd skipped out on school. Why hadn't I thought of that?

Anyway, I listened to my teacher drone on about some equation (I probably should've paid attention. It seemed kind of important) then went to second period. Still no Miley. While I was relieved beyond belief that I wouldn't have to deal with her just yet, part of me was sad that I wouldn't see her today. I mean, she's still my best friend.

That's a big part of why I didn't want to talk about what I'd read in her diary. I was scared I'd lose her if we talked about it. We'd never be able to go back to the way we were with me knowing how she feels about me. There would always be this awkwardness between the two of us. Then again, if I never talk to her, we definitely wouldn't be able to patch things up.

I barely paid attention through my next two classes. Then lunch came around and I sat where I usually sit, except today, I was alone and not really in the mood to eat anything.

"Okay, what the hell is going on?"

Oliver's voice came from behind me and scared me half to death.

"Geez Ollie! Ever think about warning a person before you sneak up on them!?"

Oliver sat down and started eating lunch. Apparently today was pizza day.

"Just answer the question Lilly."

"What question?" I always play dumb when I know I'm about to have a conversation I don't want to have.

"Ugh," Oliver said in frustration. "What's going on with you and Miley?"

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I mean Miley called me crying last night saying something happened and that you hate her and that she wasn't coming to school today."

That's when my heart sank into my stomach. She thinks I hate her? I could never hate her. She's the most important person in my life.

"So," Oliver continued, "are you gonna tell me what's going on?"

I didn't know if I should tell him. It wasn't really my business to tell. Hell, I shouldn't even know.

"I have no idea what she was talking about."

I really need to get better at lying.

"Lilly come on. There's obviously something going on. I'm not stupid."

"I never said you were stupid, I just don't wanna talk about this Oliver."

"But there's something to talk about?" Oliver asked with a triumphant grin on his face.

"Shut up!" I couldn't think of a better comeback.

"I'm just trying to help."

"You can't help!" I snapped at him. "It's none of your business so just leave me alone!" I started crying. If I kept screwing up, I wasn't going to have any friends left.

"Lilly, I don't know what's going on, but you and Miley are my best friends and you're both hurting right now. I just wanna know why."

I couldn't keep it from him anymore. Besides the fact that I sort of have problems keeping secrets to myself, he's also my best friend and I've never been able to lie to him.

"Fine." I took a deep breath and continued. "I went to Miley's house yesterday. She went to get something and I sorta found her diary…and read it."

"Oh," Oliver said. "That's not that bad."

"Wait, it gets better. The thing is…" I didn't know how to say it, so I just blurted it out. "Miley's gay and she's in love with me."

Oliver choked on his pizza. It took two minutes of patting his back and calming him down to respond.

"Oh my God! Really?"

"Yeah, apparently she's always had a thing for me."

"Wow," he said shocked. "I wasn't expecting that."

"Yeah, me either."

"I mean, I always knew you had the hots for her, but I never would've guessed the feelings were mutual."

"Yeah…wait, what?" Had I just heard him right?

"What? I'm just saying it's cool that you're both into each other."

"Oliver, I'm not into Miley."

Oliver rolled his eyes. "Lilly, it's okay. I don't care."

"I don't care if you care or not. I don't like Miley that way. She's just a friend."

"Oh come on!" Oliver chuckled and continued. "You've never had a boyfriend, you always talk about Miley and how nice she is and how cute she is and on and on and on. I always catch you checking her out when you don't think anyone's looking. You barely even talked to me when Miley and I were going out. It wasn't hard to put the pieces together."

I just looked at him like he was crazy. I couldn't believe it. Oliver thought I had feelings for Miley. That's insane!

Isn't it?

I skipped out on the rest of school. Oliver tried to follow me, but he got caught by a teacher on the way out. I've been sitting on my bed for the last two hours freaking out. How could Oliver think I like Miley like that? Okay, so it's true I haven't really had a boyfriend or talked about boys but so what? Lots of girls have better things to do than obsess over boys. That doesn't exactly make me a lesbian.

On the other hand, most 17-year-old girls have had at least one crush in their lifetime. I really haven't. I don't know, boys are just sort of…there. And yeah, I do tend to notice when girls' skirts are just a little shorter than they were supposed to be…especially when it was Miley.

Plus, Oliver was right about me not liking the two of them together. It never seemed right to me. But why had I hated it so much? Was it because I didn't like being the third wheel or was it because I wished I was the one holding her hand and hugging her and kissing her…

No! I'm not gay! I would know if I was a lesbian wouldn't I? I mean, it wouldn't just sneak up on me like this. I would've noticed if I'd fallen for my best friend. That's a pretty big thing to miss. She's like a sister to me…a very attractive sister who I occasionally dream about. Okay, that sounded so creepy. Whatever, dreams don't mean anything…do they? Ugh! This is all too damn confusing!

I need to talk to Miley and get this all sorted out.


	3. The Confrontation

A/N: I'm so, SO sorry this took so long. Between schoolwork, applying for colleges, work, spending time with my girlfriend, and a nasty bout of writer's block, I haven't had much time to write. Hopefully, this chapter doesn't suck. Please continue to R&R. I've become addicted to checking for responses.

* * *

Yeah, it took me a while to actually make my way to Miley's house. Before I left, I practiced for about an hour exactly what I was going to say to her. I was going to apologize to her for reading her diary. Then, I was going to tell her that I didn't want our friendship to end, but I didn't feel the same for her that she did for me. The problem was that I wasn't sure that was true.

Until this whole thing happened, I hadn't noticed how much I was around Miley. We spent almost every waking moment together. When I wasn't with her, I was thinking about her. I'd think about how beautiful she was and how happy she made me. At night, I'd dream about her. Usually it would be innocent things like us hanging out, but sometimes, we'd be cuddling and I'd feel safe in her arms. Sure, I didn't think much of those dreams at the time, but now I was thinking about and analyzing everything.

Wow, how had I not found that strange before?

Still, before yesterday, I didn't even begin to think of Miley as anything more than a friend. We'd always been best friends. Sure, I loved her, but all girls love their best friends. She was just, like, my other half or something. I never thought that we could be anything else.

That is, until I read her diary.

Everything was different now. I began to realize just how much I depended on Miley. I realized just how much I needed Miley to be in my life. The day that we'd spent apart had been miserable. She was basically what made my world go around. And that terrified me. Was that what love felt like or was it just how all teenage girls feel like about their best friends?

I finally decided that no matter how I felt, we couldn't be more. Our lives would be completely turned upside down if the kids at school found out, much less our parents. We'd probably be out on the street if anyone knew. Besides, this was probably all just fleeting feelings on my part. I wasn't even sure if the things that I was feeling were because I was in love with her or if it was just because Miley loved me.

So I finally did get to Miley's house. I stood outside her door for a good 20 minutes. On any other day I would've just walked in the door and gone into Miley's room. Unfortunately, today was anything but normal, so I didn't really know what to do. If I knocked, it would make the whole situation seem even more uncomfortable and unnatural. If I didn't knock, I might seem rude. I took a chance and just walked in. I went up the stairs and knocked on Miley's door.

"For the last time Jackson, leave me alone!"

"Miley, it's me," I said through the door. "We need to talk."

There was silence. I stood at the door for a while before coming to the conclusion that she wasn't going to answer. I started to walk away when I heard the door slowly open.

"Hey Lilly."

I stood there speechless. She was wearing a pink tank top with a blue butterfly on in and a pair of hot pink shorts that were barely there. I was scared I'd start drooling if I didn't say something soon.

"Um…we need to talk."

"Yeah," she said. "You mentioned that already."

I didn't know what to say. After all the time I'd spent practicing exactly what I was going to tell her, I couldn't think of anything. I was drawing a complete blank. Miley finally broke the awkward silence that had built between us.

"Do you wanna come in?"

I hesitated. I'm not sure why, but I did.

"Yeah," was all I could think to say. Miley went and sat on her bed. Part of me wanted to sit next to her, but the other half of me said to sit as far away as possible. I listened to the latter half of me. I sat in a chair she had by her desk, stared at the floor, and just tried to stick to the script I had in my head.

"Miley, I'm so sorry I read your diary. I fell off your bed and saw it and something inside me possessed me to read it and I don't know why, but I listened to that part of myself and read it and it was so, so wrong of me and I'm sorry."

I looked up when I didn't hear a response. Miley had a smirk on her face.

"Geez, do you think you could've babbled that out any faster?" She asked. We both started laughing. For a minute, it almost felt like we were going to put things back to the way they were. We were going to move on like nothing had ever happened.

"So," she started, "was that all you came here to say?"

That question ruined everything. It meant that I'd have to talk about what I'd read. I could see the many emotions in Miley's mind. Fear...excitement...anticipation...hope...heartbreak. That was the one that made this so hard. I was going to have to break my best friend's heart…and possibly my own in the process.

"Miley, you know I love you, right?"

I saw Miley's face fall. She knew what was coming.

"Let me guess, this is the part where you let me down easy, right?" Miley said.

"I'm sorry, it's just-"

"Y'know what Lilly, just save it. I know you never wanna talk to me again. I know you hate me."

"No, I don't hate you," I said. "It's just I don't love you that way. I don't want us to never talk, I just wanna be friends again."

That was the truth…sort of.

"God Lilly, you don't get it do you? We can't be friends. We can never be friends the way we used to be. It's just not that simple."

I'd prepared myself for a lot of different outcomes, but I'd never expected Miley to be angry. Sad and hurt, yes, but not angry.

"Why not? Why can't it be that simple?" Apparently, that was a stupid question because Miley shot to her feet and started yelling at me.

"Why not? Because I'm in love with you!" Hearing her say it out loud made me a lot happier than I wanted it to. "We can't be the way we were now that you know! I can't hide it and lie to myself knowing that you know everything I'm feeling! I know this is all simple for you, but-"

"You think this is simple for me?" Okay, now I was a little pissed off. "I had to find out that the person I care about more than anyone else in the world is in love with me and that I'd eventually have to tell her that I don't feel the same and break her heart. You think that's simple?" Now I was on my feet. I knew that what I was going through wasn't nearly as difficult as what she was going through, but now I was angry, and I don't really think when I get angry.

"Yeah Lilly, that's real tough. Did you ever stop to think that I'm the one that's getting heartbroken? I'm the one that has to stand by wishing you were with me while you were wishing you were with Oliver!"

"I don't like Oliver! I never liked Oliver!"

"Please, don't treat me like an idiot. I saw the way you looked at us when we were going out. I saw how much you tried to pull me away from him. I've never seen anyone try to break up a couple so hard-"

"That's because he had you and I wanted you!" Oh shit, had I really just said that?

Miley looked shocked out of her mind. I hadn't noticed until now, but we were only standing about a foot away from each other.

"What?" was all she could say.

"Um…I didn't mean that the way it sounded…I meant that, y'know, you were my friend and all you did was spend time with Oliver. It's not because of Oliver; I just wanted to have my new friend back." Miley looked like she only half-bought that story.

"Are you sure?"

Every inch of me wanted to tell her that I was lying and that I'd wanted to kiss her since the moment we met. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that was true. I'd always been in love with Miley. I hadn't always realized it, but I'd always felt it. She was my first thought in the morning and my last though at night. She was my everything…and because of that I had to break her heart. I couldn't let her life become hell just because I wanted to be with her. Her father would probably turn his back on her and she wouldn't be able to pay for college on her own, much less a place to live. She'd have nothing left. I couldn't let her throw her life away just for some doomed romance.

"Yeah, I'm sure. I just want to be your friend Miley. Nothing more."

Miley started to cry…hard. Her body was shaking she was crying so hard. I tried to hug her but she pushed me away.

"No, I don't want your sympathy or your friendship. Just leave."

I felt like the wind had just been knocked out of me. She didn't even want to be my friend anymore? I could feel the tears start to run down my face.

"Miley, don't say that."

"Lilly, get out of my room."

"No!" I wasn't letting her go all together. That just couldn't happen. "You can't kick me out! You're my best friend and you can't just tell me to get out of your life! You know that's not what you want."

"Don't tell me what I want and don't want! You don't have any right to act like you know me!"

"I do know you!"

"You didn't even know that the entire time that we were friends that I was in love with you!" Okay, I'll give her that one. "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't throw you out!"

That's when I grabbed her and kissed her.


	4. A Long Time Coming

A/N: I'm pretty sure this is the shortest chapter and I'm not quite sure I'm happy with it, but this is the end of the story. I plan on writing more though, so no worries. Please continue to R&R. I really appreciate it. Hope you enjoy :)

* * *

We were kissing. It wasn't much of anything at first…I kind of just had my lips against hers. Still, it was happening and it was amazing. I never thought Miley's lips could feel so good against mine but they did.

It took a second for Miley to respond, but eventually I felt her lips start to move against mine. It was started out slow, like she was testing the situation out…like she was scared that I was going to jump back and run out of the room. I couldn't blame her.

Before I knew it, the pace picked up and she had her hands on the back of my head pushing my lips hard into hers. I was probably going to have bruised lips, but I didn't care at all. All I cared about was not letting Miley go.

Surprisingly, she pulled away first. I hadn't really expected that. I didn't want to stop. I never wanted to stop. She looked at me with a mixture of shock and excitement in her face.

"What just happened?" she asked.

"Um…I'm not exactly sure."

"You just kissed me."

"Oh yeah," I said. I wasn't really thinking straight. "Why aren't we kissing now?" I leaned in to kiss her, but she pushed me away.

"What are you doing? Not two minutes ago you said you just wanted to be friends and now you can't keep your hands off me? What's going on Lilly?"

I took a step back and looked at Miley. "Oh…sorry, I'm probably being really confusing right now. I lied." In my head, that was a lot better explanation than it was when it came out.

"You lied? You lied about what?"

"I lied about not wanting to be with you. Being with you would be selfish, and I didn't want to ruin your life, so I told you I didn't wanna be with you."

"Wait…huh? Why would us being together ruin my life?" she asked.

Y'know, it's really hard to answer questions when all you can think about is pinning the questioner up against the wall and having your way with her.

"I'm sorry. My brain isn't working at all. Let me start from the beginning. I read your diary yesterday. Finding out you were in love with me was one of the scariest things I've ever had to deal with. It took a lot of thinking…and a little chat with Oliver who can be weirdly intuitive about things sometimes, for me to realize that I had feelings for you too."

"Okay, so I read in your diary that your dad might not approve of you being gay and I didn't want him to disown you, so I figured it would be easier if I just didn't act on what I was feeling. But y'know what? It's not easier. It broke my heart and I know it broke yours. So I don't care if it's selfish of me, and I don't care if we have to try to make it on the street. I love you Miley Stewart and I want to be with you." I kissed Miley again. This time I pulled back to see Miley with a huge, goofy smile on her face.

"You love me?" she asked. It was like she couldn't believe what was happening. Hell, I couldn't believe this was happening.

"Yes, I love you." This time, she kissed me. This kiss was different than the other two. There wasn't all the uncertainty that the others had had. This one was just filled with passion and love. She licked my bottom lip and I opened my mouth to let her tongue in. The sensation sent shivers down my spine. She pulled herself backwards onto the bed and I ended up on top of her. I pulled away for a second.

"Miley, we're on the bed…"

"Yeah, is that bad? Do you wanna stop?"

"No! No it's just, we just started out. I just don't wanna go too fast too soon. Not that I don't want you. I really, REALLY want you, I just don't want us to-" I got cut off by her lips crashing into mine. She pulled back.

"I don't wanna over think this. Whatever happens…happens. If either one of us wants to stop, we will." With that, I smiled and started kissing her again. We kissed for a while and I moved to her neck. I sucked on her pulse point and she let out a soft moan. Ugh, it drove me crazy, so I sucked a little harder and she moaned a little louder. I slipped my hand up her shirt. Right as I started to work on getting her bra undone, I heard the door open…Miley's dad was standing in the doorway.

I jumped off of Miley and tried to straighten up my clothes. Miley did something similar. She looked terrified. I felt the same exact way. I was terrified of what he might do to me. Even more than that, I was scared of what he'd do to Miley. I never thought I'd have to be afraid of Mr. Stewart. I felt like we'd been standing there forever (even though it was probably only about ten seconds or so), and I felt like I had to say something.

"Um, hi Mr. Stewart…this isn't what it looks like."

"Really? Because it looks like you had my daughter pinned on her bed." It was weird. When he said that, he didn't seem angry. He almost had a smile on his face.

"Daddy, I can explain-"

"It's okay bud. I'm just glad you two made up after your fight yesterday. Just make sure you two don't let things get too carried away or I'm not gonna let you shut the door anymore."

"Wait," I said. "You don't care that we're a couple?"

"Lilly, I haven't cared for the last year. Why would I start caring now?" Mr. Stewart just walked away.

Miley and I just stared at the doorway, dumbstruck. I just looked at Miley and laughed. What had happened over the passed 24 hours had seemed like it came out of left field to me. After listening to Oliver and Miley's dad, it seems like it's been a long time coming. Miley started laughing too.

"So," Miley said between laughs, "are we gonna start where we left off?"

I just smiled and pulled her into a long kiss.

I'm thinking this was the best day of my life.


End file.
